SELF-RESPECT
by ceiyn
Summary: The Bleach women all learn self-respect - sometimes with unexpected consequences! Lol, this was a lot of fun to write! Rated T for language, sometimes I have a potty mouth.
1. Chapter 1: Rukia - self-sacrifice this!

Agh, Bleach is the creation of Tite Kubo & is his and/or whoever he sold the rights to & I don't own it, blah blah blah etc etc. Hope this is where I'm supposed to write this, I've read so many fanfics that you'd think I would know where to put it ... whatever. I don't really care that much

Another invincible enemy starts for Ichigo's back and Rukia notices that she might be able to make it there in time…

"Wait a minute!" Rukia suddenly thinks, "Do I really need to simply throw my body in-between Ichigo and his attacker? My sword is drawn, why can't I just block the guy? Even if the guy is too strong for me, if I can block the initial attack, maybe that would buy enough time for Ichi to turn around and give me a hand. Maybe I actually don't need to give the ultimate sacrifice every single fucking time someone takes a swing at Ichigo's back in my presence and can actually use my brain and a little bit of self-respect instead!"

"Hmm, why hasn't this occurred to me before? Possibly because Tite Kubo, although being a fascinating author and artist, can be a total chauvinist asshole at times. Does he really believe that guys would constantly be blinded by the flattery of a woman willing to be so self-sacrificial and not willing at all to use her brain? I don't know, maybe they are; who knows what dumb-ass guys think. Or maybe that's a Japanese thing or maybe it's just the idiotic male pre-pubescent audience that he is writing for . . . .

Meanwhile, in the background, Orihime throws her body uselessly in front of Ichigo. The incredibly powerful enemy cuts through them both and blood sprays everywhere.

Rukia turns around.

"Oh…. Oops, oh well. Too late now."

She jams a hand in her pocket and whistles as she walks away flipping her sword.

Suddenly, a head pops out from the pile of rubble and people.

"RUKIA!" Ichigo yells angrily.

Rukia jumps, "EEEK!" Rukia shrieks and turns her head around with her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Rukia, you didn't do your job, the fabric of the universe is ripping…." Ichigo's now demonic voice rumbles as he emerges from the rubble, walking like a zombie.

Rukia's jaw drops like a bucket, her eyes literally bug out of her head and she shunpos away into the next dimension.

I am laughing out loud while writing this XDXDXDXD


	2. Chapter 2: Orihime's new cup size

Thank you so much for the reviews, anonon, Guest, and Blazingfyres! I was so surprised to find how much they motivated me!

I don't own Bleach, *sighs*.

I have always thought that Orihime should have a lot more self-respect. I mean, with her looks and brains who wouldn't?

In case of confusion: ' ' indicates thought. " " indicates speech.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

A sing-song-y girly voice rang out to no avail. Ichigo had already rounded the corner, all the while arguing with Rukia.

Orihime heard a loud "OUCH!" 20 seconds later. She stopped running, her giant breasts still heaving as she tried to catch her breath. She bent down and observed her tight pants and itty-bitty t-shirt that practically showed her nipples. She sighed, glancing back at the corner.

'What the hell am I doing? Running after some idiot that doesn't even notice all of this?' She ran a hand down her body. 'Hot, hot, hot! Shoot, I can do better than that empty-headed, sword waving…. God! My back hurts! Why the fuck are my boobs so huge?! If they were a little smaller, even just Ds rather than freakin' H cups than I would not have to shop at the fat ladies' store for bras anymore. Plus, if they stay this way, I am going to end up with back problems as I grow older. Not that male writers ever seem to care about the physical well being of their characters. What? 'Boobs' is now a whole personality type?! Talk about Mary-sue… Hmmm….'

"Santen Kenshun, I reject!"

'Ahh, there we go, much more manageable size, my back doesn't hurt, and I can shop wherever I want. Also, this way people won't think that I am some kind of Pam Anderson whore wanna-be.'

'Also, why the hell am I wearing this tight shit? It looks ok, but isn't there a better style out there for me? But first, running after a boy like this is so beneath me. Shoot, with my body, I could get anyone. You know what, with this power I can bend time and space. What the hell do I even need guys for?'

"Grr-r," Orihime's stomach growled.

'Oh, I guess rejecting food back into existence doesn't really seem appetizing. I need to get a job. Then maybe I will become more independent and start to feel a little better about myself. It also might help if I made more friends there, then maybe I could be less needy.'

Suddenly she noticed the fabric of time beginning to rip next to her.

"Santen Kenshun, I reject!" It closed right back up. She tossed her long hair over her shoulder. 'The fabric of time will just have to deal with me growing a pair.'

Orihime suddenly notices a glinting light behind her. 'Is that who I think it is?'

"Ishida-kun, is that you?"

Uryu comes out, effectively hiding his eyes with the light glinting off of his glasses, but not the mild blush on his cheeks.

"Orihime-san, what are you doing out here so late?"

'Obviously mine for the taking. He might be fun to experiment with. Plus, he's rich, so he can really take me out.' She gazed at him observantly.

"Hi, Ishida-kun, I was just hungry, and thinking of going out.'

"Ah-h, Orihime-san, I know of this little place downtown that is supposed to be really great! Would you like to go with me?" He was leaning forward a bit with his eyes wide, cheeks even more flushed, gushing eagerness.

'Now, isn't that cute?' Orihime smiled.

"Let's go, Ishida-kun! You know, I think I heard about aliens attacking near there…."

THE END


	3. Chapter 3: Orihime 2, Ulki-kun zip

I wasn't sure if I should make this a separate story or not, but decided to just go for this. Anyways, thank you so much for all your reviews, and I hope you really enjoy this!

Orihime's eyes bug out of her head, her jaw drops open, and her tongue rolls out like a red carpet. Blinking her recovery, she blushes and turns her head away.

"But Ulqi-kun, isn't it a little too soon for that? I mean, I know you have already given me a friendship bracelet, made me say goodbye to my ex-crush and taken me to your house to meet your family, but I'm not as familiar with being physical as you are." Orihime says under fluttering eyelashes. "I was just getting used to holding your hand. Tying me up and feeding me is just a little too fast for me, sorry, Ulqi-kun."

Ulquiorra slaps his palm to his forehead for what he thinks may be the hundredth time in the last couple of days.

"Woman, I am telling you that you must eat. If you do not, I will force you."

"But I'm full! You know, girls don't eat that much Ulqi-kun. But I suppose if you really want to feed me…" Orihime leans over, emphasizing her enormous cleavage and opens her mouth in a small, courteish circle.

Ulquiorra's eyes open wide, he covers his open mouth with his hand and takes a step back.

"W-what are you doing, woman?!" His voice sounds strangled.

"Oh, I thought you wanted to feed me, Ulqi-kun. Well, all right then." She bounces back up with a small smile. With a frown, Ulquiorra turns away.

"Do not call me that. I am your superior officer. You may call me Ulquiorra. That is all." He ordered with a graceful wave of his hand. "But woman, even ants eat more than that."

"I am already full from those grapes that we had earlier. By the way, I had no idea you were so into S&M, Ulqi-kun."

"WHAT! NO, THAT'S NOT –"

"My brother said I shouldn't do things like that until I get married. Sorry, Ulki-kun."

"I-I don't know what you are going on about, woman!" Ulquiorra glances around furtively, turns his back to her, and takes a deep breath. "I simply carry out Aizen-sama's orders."

She puts her hands behind her back and sways back and forth, making her dress swing. "By the way, I love the new dress you gave me! You're so sweet, Ulki-kun, always giving me presents.

"That is your uniform, not a present. It shows that you and your loyalty now belong to Aizen-sama."

"Ooo, you're so possessive, Ulqi-kun." Orihime blushes. "You don't have to worry, I'm not interested in anyone else."

"Huh?"

"You still haven't given me the grand tour of your house, Ulqi-kun. You are not worried about what your family might think of me, are you?" She looks at him sideways.

"W-what? What are you talking about, _woman_?" Ulquiorra was still reeling from her previous statement. "These halls are full of dangerous beings so powerful that you won't even begin to imagine - "

"So that _is_ it, huh, Ulqi-kun? You think that I am not good enough to meet them?" Orihime looked up at him with big watery eyes, her hands clasped in front of her. Plump tears began to form in the corners.

"Uh, uh ..." All he could do is look at her with his jaw slack.

"Knock, knock, knock!" A sing-song-y voice cried out. Gin opened the door and stepped inside, his usual snake-like grin in place. Several smaller arancar followed him with a moving dolly. "Oh, Orihime-san, it looks like you have already broken Ulquiorra. Don't worry, Ulqui-kun, we'll get you all patched up in no time." They lifted the frozen Ulquiorra onto the dolly and carted him out the door.

"Uh, O.K.," Orihime watched them with wide eyes. "Bring him back soon!"

"Of course we will!" His grin turned into a smirk. "I know Ulqui-kun will be _so_ anxious to get back to you. Bye bye!" Gin gave Orihime a little wave just as the door shut with a light bang.


End file.
